Ponderings . . .

It was weird on the drive back home I was thinking about how many people have commented on my writing. I started it for myself, but I will continue it for others. I feel very blessed to know that I have helped other through their own trials by my writing.

I feel that I have had some blessing of my own lately. This last year has been a rough one full of ALOT of loneliness but through it all I have learned that I am okay on my own. I do not need someone beside me every step of the way when I have the Lord. I am a strong person.

Its interesting for as much as I have dwelled on being alone I just gave up. I had a really good friend tell me that if I could not be happy on my own then I could never be happy in a relationship. It hurt like hell to hear him say that but it was the truth. Although this person is no longer in my life I know that he was put in my life for a season to help me talk and move on from my losses. To make me laugh and show me how to live again. I will forever be in his debt for this. It hurts , bad that he was only in my life for a season but I wish him nothing but happiness in his life. Anyways sorry random side note :) My blessing . . . . Its amazing when you quit looking for something it comes to you. I resigned my self to the fact that I was just going to be lonely and then wow this week I have had some pretty cool people put into my life. I am really excited to get to know them better and see what my future holds.

Every night I read Jeremiah 29:11 and my plans he has for me are finally coming to light.

Although I have had to go through some hard times and alot of tears to get to where I am now I would not change any of it for it has made me who I am today.

Time just keeps going . . .

Cannot believe its been soo long since I last wrote. Obviously writing and getting some things off my chest did me some good. I do not feel so claustrophobic anymore. I can breathe again. I feel like a new me. Now don't get me wrong, not every things okay. As much as I feel like I am finding my way back to what I like to refer to as the "old" me. I still feel lost in some areas. As I write not knowing what to write about God is currently putting something on my heart. I know its something other have struggled with as I have myself. . .

I am way to trusting of a person. Some would call me naive. I just REALLY want to see the good in everyone. I will trust you until you hurt me and then again after that. I do not put up walls for people to break through or make them just through hoops. I just trust them one hundred percent from the first time I meet them. Some have told me I should not do that, that I will get hurt. Believe me I have and it sucks. But no matter how many times I get hurt and let down I cannot change. Maybe I should guard my feeling and my heart, but then I I did that then I wouldn't really be me.

For those that hurt other and lie I just ask why? Do you feel better about yourself when you put other down? Do you lie so much that you are even lying to yourself. Are the lies between the truth and the lies blurred? I just ask that when you open your mouth to lie, remember you are lying to the one that would trust you to the end of time. The one who believes you would never hurt them. The one who thinks that you will be here forever.