Faces

It seems like I am always putting on different faces. I can never really be me. People may ask how I am doing but they really don't want to know the answer. I mean how do you respond to great, I love waking up alone knowing that I will be alone the whole day. Wonderful I dread going to bed cause I know I am going to wake up and the bad dream will be my reality. How do you respond to things like that. I cannot cry as the tears only show weakness. I have to be strong. I am a fighter. Deep down not so much. Only a few know the real me and those few are the ones who truly know how I am doing. They do not even have to ask. They just look in to my eyes and know. Most do not really care but the true ones do. Most ask out of obligation and kindness. To those I am say I am fine, doing great, and give a big smile. They think everything is really fine. They do not have a cluen that it is taking all I have in me to stand there and talk without falling apart. Its getting better day by day, but the healing is a slow process. Maybe one day I will be able to retire all my faces and just be me.